Unfinished thoughts

I’m Overflowing with ideas, yet I can’t sit still long enough to expand on it.

Fabricating the truth- You would never be looked at the same way again. You fabricated the truth to make me look bad or maybe it was so that you have something to discuss with him.

My major project- I have to start weeding them out. Everything looks too good on the outside, but it’s the inside that we need to worry about. So in that case it time to start weeding out the fakes.

At times- Sometimes I just feel like no one's on my side...like people are playing tricks on me and laughing that's exactly how it feels like they're trying to get a reaction out of me because it’s fun... and inside my heart is exploding. And I’m looking at them with these wide open eyes screaming things at them.

Talking in Circles -I talk in circles just to inspire people to think. It's like an unintentional social experiment. Just to see who's even worth my time...Most people aren't……but he is.

Memorized- I memorized your smirk, how many creases it takes to reach your cheeks --and that's the only thing--I’ll ever want to know of by heart.

A thousand - I could write a thousand blogs and they will all say the same thing. I could use a thousand words and it still wouldn’t be enough to describe what I’m trying to say. I could have a thousand chances to do something and I don’t think that it would change. If there were a thousand emotions I could feel they wouldn’t be different from one another. If there were a thousand poems I could choose from it would be the same one over and over. If there were a thousand songs I could listen to I would listen to the same one time and time again. If there were a thousand times I had to explain myself it still wouldn’t make sense.

Not the same- I’ll watch the night turn light blue (but it's not the same without you)...

A million people want you. Don’t forget me. Every day I find new places to take you.

About her- I'm pretty sure you're a compulsive liar.I warned myself about you, but I ignored it because I wanted to give you a chance. Your stories never match. It’s blatantly obvious. I don’t know what it is that makes you feel that you need to lie. You need help.

Knowledge- "Why do you underestimate my knowing?"
“Why do you underestimate it?” I could know just as much as you. "

I just don’t get it- We are too much alike……but never at the same time.

B.W.- I'm wreckless….You're beautiful and together we are beautifully wreckless.

My favorites :
John Legend- So we did it again, knowing we should quit it, but we simply won't admit it again. Oh it feels good, it's so good, but I won't do it again, it’s so dramatic again. After we go at it, we get mad then we go at it again. Oh I love it, then I hate it, she's my favorite again.”- Again

India. Arie- “I’ve been learning to live without you now, but I miss you sometimes. The more I know, the less I understand, and all the things I knew, I’m learning them again.” –The heart of the matter

Robin Thicke-“ You're the only one who knows what I go through Sometimes you even feel it more than me, baby And I don't know how I ever got by without u”- Angel

Ryan Leslie-“ over the others over my pride over the faults that I have in my life, I choose you, I choose you,”- I choose you

Adele- “I know you Haven't made your mind up yet, But I would never Do you wrong”- Make you feel my love

Amy Winehouse-“ When will we get the time to be just friends, It's never safe for us not even in the evening 'because I've been drinking- Not in the morning where your shit works, It's always dangerous when everybody's sleeping And I've been thinking …Can we be alone?”- Just Friends

Corrine Bailey Rae: “Still I wonder why it is I don't argue like this, With anyone but you, We do it all the time Blowing out my mind”-Like a star “Don’t want to lose you, don’t even own you”-Choux pastry heart

Trey Songz- “How do you fix a love undone, How you even know if you're fit to love someone And when you decide to take that ride, Can you drive from the passenger’s side”- Infidelity “Girl, we’ve had our share of ups and downs But you know that I’m gonna always be around that’s for sure sho And you know how we do, how I roll And remember aint a damn thing change so Holla if you need me You always gonna be my boo Holla if you need me You know I still got you And if you ever need me to be What you need girl, I’m free and forever you can holla at me” -Holla if your need me

Alicia Keys-“ By now I should know That in time things must change, So it shouldn't be so bad So why do I feel so sad. How can I adjust, To the way that things are going, It's killing me slowly.Oh I just want it to be how it used to be”- Why do I feel so sad

Jazmine Sullivan- “If a lie is going to get me through, I rather not know the truth. And if the truth is going t make me cry, I rather just live a lie.”- Live a lie

John Mayer-“ When you're dreaming with a broken heart Then waking up is the hardest part”- Dreaming with a broken heart

Musiq Soulchild- “It would be fly if you were my b.u.d.d.y.”, “I just want a part of your heart I could borrow sometimes”- Buddy

Whitney Houston-“Cause you love is my love, and my love is your love. It would take an eternity to break us and the chains of Amistad couldn’t hold us.” Your love is my love

Lauryn Hill-“Now the joy of my world is in Zion.” – To Zion “A lasting relationship, not based on ownership, I trust every part of you, because all that I... All that you say you do You love me despite myself, sometimes I fight myself, I just can't believe that you, would have anything to do, With someone so insecure, someone so immature. Oh you inspire me, to be the higher me” -I got to find peace of mind

Maxwell-“ Cause I go insane -Crazy sometimes, Trying you to keep you from losing your mind. Open your eyes, See what’s in front of your face -Save me my fistful of tears”- Fist full of tears “Baby when we get together it’s a overdose.” –Bad Habit

Bob Marley-“Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery; None but ourselves can free our minds. Have no fear for atomic energy, cause none of them can stop the time.”- Redemption song

Beyonce-“Every now and then with out warning I can be really mean towards you. I’m a puzzle yes indeed, ever complex in every way. All the pieces aren’t even in the box, and yet you still see the picture clear as day.”- Flaws and all

Maybe one day.

Maybe one day everything would be solved, and no lies would be need to be told to me.
Maybe one day we will all understand everything and have no more questions.
Maybe one day my epiphany will be told.
Maybe one day......
but as for now it is all I could hold on to.

5:17 am

"It's at night, when perhaps we should be dreaming, that the mind is most clear, that we are most able to hold all our life in the palm of our skull. I don't know if anyone has ever pointed out that great attraction of insomnia before, but it is so; the night seems to release a little more of our vast backward inheritance of instincts and feelings...." ~Brian W. Aldiss

Sleep where art thou?

The early mornings

The early mornings seem to be the time that I am in tune with myself. When the world stands still and it just leaves me time to think.

The early mornings seem to be the time that I could get everything that I am feeling out. The early mornings seem to be the time where there are no interruptions or lost thoughts.

It’s the early mornings that I let all that’s been bothering me for the day out, it’s the easiest time to talk.

There is just something about these early mornings.

Knowing that I should be asleep because I have class soon- it’s still a thrill just staying up and writing what has been on my mind. I feel as if my best writing has come to me in the early mornings.

It’s the early mornings where I sometimes get lost in my thoughts, and words.

The early mornings are 4, 5 and 6 am.

When the sun is not yet out and the sky is not yet blue- those are the early morning.

The early mornings eventually captivate my mind and make me release my words so easy.

"Another Again."

The first time we ever got a chance to be alone we knew
That is was something new,
I guess that's why I was drawn to you,
The 2nd time leads to the 3rd, the 5th, the 7th time,
We were in denial, thinking it would only be that one time,
I can’t believe that you got me hooked, Oh this can’t be good, oh,
Catching feelings and actually showing them, oh I know this isn’t good

And I'm doing it again;
Yes, I'm doing it again,
Oh, I'm doing it again,
I said it would end but here it goes again,

Now it’s been weeks and we are doing what we learned to do
Me coming over and over just to come and see you
I asked you how am I ever going to learn to put my trust in you

Like you want me to, 'cause I know what you're prone to do,

Rumors catch my ears just like music does, here it goes again, oh
But you know me because, that’s what they do
The cycle never ends, never ends

Oh, they're doing it again,

Yes, it makes me do it again,

Oh, I’m doing it again,

I said it would end but here it goes again,

and again, and again

Damn, I love you, but this is crazy,

I have to fight you almost weekly,

We break up so fast,

And we, we make up so passionately,

Why can't we just trust each?

You can't hate me and be my lover

Passion ends, and pains begins, I come back...

And we're doing it again,

Then, I'm doing it again,because,

they're doing it again,

I said it would end but here it goes again.

Each time we make up again, things feel so great

I say that things will change, And then we’re strong again
Then we flashback to the first time you put your spell on me,

You envelope me, you feel good as hell to me.

One moment leads to another few,
Here it goes again, oh, oh,
Leaving you is, oh, so hard to do,
I just can't pretend, can't pretend,

I keep doing it again,

Because, they're doing it again,

Yes, We're doing it again,

I said it would end, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah

Oh, I'm doing it again,I said it would end,

oh, oh, oh, oh,

Oh, We're doing it again,

I said it would end but we just can’t end

Again.

"The funny thing is, I'm writing this while he's asleep on my couch"

Epiphany

Epiphany:

any moment of great or sudden revelation

A sudden manifestation of the essence or meaning of something.

A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization

An intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking

An illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure

a revealing scene or moment

2:04 am

"It's easier to live like you don't see nothing, even though it ain't right......"

Shot to the heart.

I shed tears cause I'm told that the heal, to tell the truth I don't know how to feel, ever felt alone in room full of friends, got big plans but leave em in suspense, pray for me.....

Determined

Determined.

So don't underestimate me.

A year ago today

A year ago today I was on my way home from School for Columbus break. My mom picks me up from the ferry and tells me she had some bad news. I had lost someone so close to family that they we called each other cousins. Those were the last words that I expected to hear, because last I heard you where in rehab and doing better; though you still weren't able to speak-you still were making progress. In life we don't know why we lose people so young but I know that you left so that you wouldn't have to go through the pain anymore. It had been close to a year and you weren't able to speak to us, walk or even do the things you loved to do. Sometimes I think about how much I miss you but then I realize it's not as bad as how much your mother, and brothers miss you. Never once did I question God about why he took you from us, because I knew he had a better plan. I just always prayed that he helped your mom and brothers to understand and cope with the situation. Rest in Perfect Peace Ms. Oyindamola Tawio, you will forever be missed.

Recap of the weekend

So I'm on my way back to school from the city on the new Trailways and they have outlets and wifi which actually works out for me. I have alot of papers to write and articles to read so I could at least attempt to do them on the bus. The weekend was good. I had fun for the most part. Cultural night was good as well as the parade despite the rain. Poor Wale got attacked by all the groupies, though I didnt get to take a picture with him my dad introduced me to him and he gave me a cd and poster. Serani was also there, he is so calm and collected. I took a picture with both him and his bodyguard. Now for the remainder of Saturday night.That had to the be the worst night yet. The funny thing is that I had a feeling that I shouldn't go out but I did anyway. So first we mad a stop to club blvd. It was okay, then went to C-pac which was crazy before entering. There was alot of mix up at the door and it took a while for us to get. Eventually after my cousins arguing with the security guard we got in. I cracked my phone so I can't see anything. SMH, and everyone was texting me all night and even now. So when I get back to school I have to go back to that big blackberry..urrrrghg SMH but whatever right now. On top of everything I was in the middle of a dam shootout in Brooklyn on the way to Malcom X Blvd.Smh At C Pac the boys were getting crazy in there it must be something about my new hair style.lmao I saw so many people from high school and it was like a reunion; The night ended........well lets just say I don't argue with drunk fools even if they are family nor do I con don stupidity.

5:50 am

Be careful with who your surround yourself with.......even if they are FAMILY.