Turning to you without a doubt

See, I myself still don’t get it yet. I’m scared of losing you and I don’t even own you. You strip me down time and time again and I just pour everything in me out. It is rare for me to ever quite understand what you are feeling inside but I’m okay with that. When I see myself getting to close I try to distance myself from you. Something I just can’t understand, I don’t think that things have ever been this mystifying between us before. We are so much the same that when things are good they are great and when we collide; we just can’t be around one another. Times like that you are like a headache, but one that I crave and yearn for. I tell you so much but the things that I can’t say verbally I write them down. Such a COMPLEX SITUATION, which no one understands but you and me. “When the world starts to stress me out….. I turn to you without a doubt.” I can’t really figure what it was about you, but the endless conversations and advice giving helps me to understand, why I care for you. I hate feeling this way but it sneaks up on me time after time.

What is it about him

I can’t even remember how we met each other. I never thought that I could fall for him as hard as I did,

but he just understands me too well. Sometimes I sit and think about him for hours at a time. He is

someone who makes me feel like no other. Everything that I felt and could never say, he says for me, at

times I think his a psychic. He is my escape from it all; the craziness and confusion in the world. When I

feel like no one else understands me I know that I could turn to him without a doubt. He always has

something to say that will catch my heart. He is so intelligent and somewhat old. Only a few could truly

understand what we share. I’m so devoted to him, but he is very flirtatious and makes others fell what I

feel for him. I can’t really get mad at him because he is the real. He is a big influence on my writing. He

speaks to me and my pen just flows with words of wisdom and knowledge. When he speaks I know that

things will be okay. With him I’m never worried; I know he will always be there for me. He is my refuge,

my fortress, and my stronghold. I wouldn’t trade him for anyone else. My love for him is an endless

equation, when I’m with him I’m in a comfort zone that I don’t ever want to get out of. I’m not even

reluctant to say that I’m addicted to him. He can change the world because he changes people. One thing

about him is that he pure he does not speak to please others.He speaks because that is what he

feels. He is true to himself, to me and the others that listen to him. He just knows the right things to say

with what ever situation I am going through. I could never get tired of listening to him because he is

"One thing about Music is when it hits you,you feel the pain"-Bob Marely

Land of Make Believe

The land of make believe. That’s what it should be called. The place where people feel as if they are able to become whoever they want to be because they know that they weren’t anything special where they are originally from. The place that many lose themselves as individuals; unable to think, breathe and act on their own. The place that several sense they need to be something they know that they aren’t. They join groups, clique’s circles, and other crowds of people and feel that they all need to be one. No differentiation between any of them; one person does one thing and they all feed off of it. There is no discrimination to this follower they could be both males and females. They get corrupted and try to change themselves to fit into these groups of people- to do the things that they would do, to think the way that they would think, and to act the way that they would act. So sad, what they fail to realize is the person who they want to be like doesn’t even know who they are themselves. The constant struggle to keep up to the next person. All of this to please someone who isn’t even pleased with themselves.

• Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. ~Oscar Wilde

• Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. ~Judy Garland

Wasted Talent

All I can ever be to you, Is a darkness that we knew,

And this regret I had to get accustomed to,

Once it was so right, When we were at our high,

Waiting for you in the hotel at night,

I knew I hadn't met my match,

But every moment we could snatch,

I don't know why I got so attached,

It's my responsibility,

And you don't owe nothing to me,

But to walk away I have no capacity

He walks away, The sun goes down,

He takes the day but I'm grown,

And in this grey, in this blue shade

My tears dry on their own,

I don't understand, Why do I stress A man,

When there's so many better things at hand,

We could a never had it all,

We had to hit a wall,

So this is inevitable withdrawal,

Even if I stop wanting you, A Perspective pushes thru,

I'll be some next man's other woman soon,

I shouldn't play myself again,

I should just be my own best friend,

Not fuck myself in the head with stupid men

double consciousness

The sense of double consciousness starting to come into play
I have to look at myself from another perspective and make sure that I am still the same person who I think I am
Words I thought I couldn't possibly utter are beginning to be spoken
Feelings that I thought I couldn't feel are beginning to be felt
Emotions that I thought I could never show are being shown
Risk that I thought I wouldn't take are starting to be a part of my everyday life

..

Understanding this mystery-puzzle-riddle-enigma

A Mystery

A Puzzle

A Riddle

An Enigma

That is exactly what he is.

His thoughts

His words

His actions

His smile

It’s all a

Mystery

Puzzle

Riddle

Enigma

He baffles my understanding of him

He confuses my comprehension of things

This is exactly what he does.

His thoughts

His words

His actions

His smile

It’s all a

Mystery

Puzzle

Riddle

Enigma

With him there are a bewildering number of possibilities

His words sometimes leave me utterly nonplussed

This is exactly how he is.

His thoughts

His words

His actions

His smile

It’s all a

Mystery

Puzzle

Riddle

Enigma

So why do I try to figure him out

Why try to interpret

His thoughts

His words

His actions

His smile

When I know that he is just a

Mystery

Puzzle

Riddle

Enigma

That is exactly what he is

I thought I had him figured out once before

But then I began to lose pieces of the puzzle

The mystery started to become unsolvable

The riddles were getting more complex

This is exactly how he works

His thoughts

His words

His actions

His smile

Though he baffles my understanding of him

Though he confuses my comprehension of things

Why try and figure him out

What is the point of solving

This mystery?

This puzzle?

This riddle?

This enigma?

Because once it is solved

There is no more thrill of what comes next

So I rather live with

His thoughts

His words

His actions

His smile

Being just A MYSTERY A PUZZLE A RIDDLE AN ENIGMA

I'm
definitely
NOT
ready
to
risk it all
the freedom to fall.
[4:14 am]

Closure

Getting past my past

And Stop thinking about what didn’t last

All I really wanted from you was closure

All your friends in my business was overexposure

But since I wrote you that letter

Things have been much better

Now we talk the way we used to when we were only friends

That letter I wrote was so that everything could end

On a good note.

Looking back on what I wrote

I told you exactly how I saw things

Between us.

It brought pain and hurt

All I wanted to do was “make it work”.

I kept wishing you would” stay with me”

But reality kept singing another melody.

You were something “Like a star” across my sky

But when I left for school you didn’t even come and “say goodbye”.

Now I have come to understand

That for us there was another plan

You couldn’t quite handle me leaving for school

But for you tell me how you really felt you thought you were too cool.

For instance

You kept telling me you couldn’t do that “Long distance”

So time went by

Without a call to say hi

But I was "just fine"

Because I knew I was the last thing on your mind.

DIFFERENCE

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND HER

IS THAT I WOULD NEVER TELL HIM WHAT I'M FEELING

I DON’T LIKE TO SPEAK ABOUT MY TRUE FEELINGS

BECAUSE I DON’T LIKE TO BE HURT

LET DOWN

BROUGHT DOWN

AND FEEL DOWN.

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND HER

IS THAT I WOULD NEVER TELL ANOTHER PERSON

HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM.

HOW I CARE ABOUT HIM

OR HOW I WANT TO BE WITH HIM

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND HER

IS THAT I ALMOST HAVE HIM

IT’S AT THE TIP OF MY FINGER

BUT I'M TOO SCARED

TO SHOW HOW MUCH I REALLY CARE

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND HER

IS THAT HE DOESN'T REALLY SEE

HOW MUCH HE GETS TO ME

THE THINGS HE DOES

AND THE THINGS HE SAYS

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ME AND HER

IS THAT THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE

THAT I AM HER WITHIN.

All falls down

It seems we living the American dream

but the people highest up got the lowest self esteem

the prettiest people do the ugliest things

for the road to riches and diamond rings [Kanye West]

Through this verse in “All falls down” he tells a story, summing up most people and the situations of the world.