Untitled VIII

Often the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do. It’s easier to choose your mind over your heart even if you know it isn't right. I really don’t know where I am going with this blog. I am just writing to write, to keep myself from thinking about other things. I get so caught up every day trying to keep it all together that I sometimes I forget about me and what I’m feeling. I don’t know. Sometimes I feel as if I am fighting to survive; fighting the public, fighting myself; just fighting in general. Lately I haven’t been myself, I just been going with the days letting them pass as quickly as they could in hope of not being noticed. Trying to hold in every emotion, and just let out forced smiles and laughter. I really don’t know what it is and when it really started but it’s something that just won’t go away. I don’t know. I feel as if I am being controlled by an unknown force. One minute I think everything is getting better and the next I’m down and feeling sad again. Normally I am flowing with ideas and so energetic but lately I haven’t been in the mood to write. There is so much that goes on in my head that it is hard for me to control what I am thinking. It’s like thought after thought all full with negativity. I just have a feeling- that something is going on and it’s something big. What you don’t know can’t hurt you, but the shit that crosses your mind can kill you.