The tables have turned :-)

So I must admit I was wrong. I thought I understood this situation and had full control of it. What I failed to understand was that God had control of it and he helped me through it. When things weren’t going my way I asked my cousin for advice and she told me to “be on my cool out shit”. She gave me this advice plenty of times before but I can’t say that I listened to her. I felt things were working as quickly as I needed them to so I decided to give it a little shove and this turned for the worst; leaving more confused then I originally was. So this time around I decided to wait and see what was at the end of the tunnel for me. I must admit that this was the best decision that I have made yet. There is something about the summer that makes people think that they could get whatever they are after. And I have truly realized that people don’t realize what they have until it’s gone and have moved on. Yes, I know it may sound a little cliché, but it’s the truth. I know there have been many instances in my life where I wanted something simply because I didn’t want anyone else to have it.

Like I have been saying I have been undergoing a lot of personal growth throughout the past years and I am so much more comfortable with whom I am as a person. I carry myself differently. I smile more. I appreciate everyday that God gives me because no one is promised tomorrow.

Over the last summer months, there have been certain individuals trying to get back what they once lost due to their own stupidity and egos. It’s been somewhat flattering but little strange because I don’t see them in that sense anymore. I’m human so I will always have feelings for them but not in the sense of wanting to go back into the past to make it my present. I have noticed that when your past becomes your present you only get hurt twice; so this left me with the question why now?

What was it that made you realize that I’m the one that you want to be with? Was it that your new relationships weren’t working out? Or was it that he simply saw how happy I was and how I was moving on?

Regardless of the reason there was a reason why we didn’t make it. Either we didn’t live up to each other expectation; we hurt one another or didn’t feel appreciated. I’m not saying that all goodbyes are permanent; but in this case I’m not turning back to allow you to have the satisfaction of getting whatever it is that they want.

"Back then they didn’t want me...now I’m hot, they all on me."

an understanding of myself

Those who know me know that I am a very conservative person when it comes to my feelings towards another person. I keep everything hidden and undercover so that when worst comes to worst I would be able to hide how much I am hurting. But I realized with all this growing that I am doing and me trying to move on with everything that may have happened in the past it is time for me to let everything go. I have come to a point in my life where I realize that I should be happy because I deserve it. I shouldn't’t still be hurting from the things that have occurred in the past. I learned to let go and move on, I learned to be a better person-a better woman. I see myself much happier these days because I have learned to understand myself-I was so good at hiding my feelings that I realized that I was hiding them from myself as well. With that being said its time to close that chapter and that book and say my farewells.

Growth

Okay so its 3:40am and I am still awake listening to music and writing. There is just something about the nighttime that allows me to express exactly what it is that I am feeling. So much has been going on and honestly I am surprised at the way that I have been dealing with it. I have been very calm and able to keep my composure. Lately, I have been noticing my growth. Physically, emotionally and mentally. I am evolving into a woman. The little things that used to bother me I am an now able to ignore and realize that it doesn’t take much to walk away. I have learned to look at things in a mature perspective. I learned to think before I act and speak. I am becoming a better me for myself and the world to enjoy and I have full control of it. I guess it the whole leaving my teen years behind that has me thinking like this….but I like it. Even the growth of my mind is astounding to others and I must admit that college had a lot to do with it. The inside of the classroom aspect is not the only thing that I am speaking of but also the social life. I believed that I learned more about life outside of the classroom than inside. I have learned things that I wouldn’t have be able to learn elsewhere. I am truly thankful for the many things that I have learned throughout the years and the growth of my mind. I just wish the rest of the world was growing with me.

Still Closer than ever

Love && I

So they say when I fall in love it will hit me hard.

They say I’m the toughest girl they ever knew who fought love.

Love didn’t know how to treat me and

we didn’t get along so I couldn’t stay.

I move out and left town.

Love said they would never hurt me and that was a lie,

love said they will always be around through the good and bad,

that was another lie.

We just weren’t connected the way we used to be when we first met.

Love cheated on me

another thing they said they would never do-

it tired it’s hardest to break me down and it almost won

but I had to fight back.

Words of a Great Poet

The human heart is so delicate and sensitive that it always needs some tangible encouragement to prevent it from faltering in its labor. The human heart is so robust , so tough, that once encouraged it beats it rhythm with a loud unswerving insistency. One thing that encourages the heart is music . Throughout the ages we have created songs to grow on and to live by. We Americans have created music to embolden the hearts and inspire the spirits of people all over the world.

-From Letter to My Daughter

MJJ

Because you touched so many lives we must celebrate you instead of being saddened by what has occurred. I hope that you have peace where you are now.

Little things

It’s the little things that she cherishes the most.

Watching the sunset and sunrise with you.

Getting a "good morning" text every morning which puts a smile on her face.

It’s the little things that she admires the most.

The fact that she could tell you hundreds of things and

you remember everything that she says.

You’re simply just a sweetheart.

It’s the little things that she loves the most.

The little things like you knowing when she needs a hug.

Or how you would randomly plant a kiss on her forehead.

It’s just the little things that make you captivate her heart.

She is writing this while he is asleep on her shoulder.

<3

A family like no other

Through all the tears.....laughter...jokes...trips...pictures...videos...and of course drinks....

We continue to stand strong as a family through it all. Its the little things in life that we take for granted-family being one of them.

Though we had some bad times...the good times overshadow them, and through it all I will always love my family.

Because

We are the perfect mix with a little twist.