My last June blog

So I’m leaving in the morning to go on the vacation that I have been looking forward to for months now. I’m finally done counting down the months, weeks and day and now I am up to hours. This will be my last blog for June 2009. I will be visiting three different islands with about thirty family members. Today we were all together after Chris’ graduation all thinking about the cruise and how much we can’t wait. Summer 2009 didn’t really kick off the way I intended it to; I guess I just expected too much and unfortunately I was let down-but hopefully this vacation with be the start of something worth loving.

So many ideas flowing through my mind but I still don’t know what to write about. As Edmund would say this is my spot where I could normally get soft; but I guess I’m beginning to become a little more resistant because there are too many eye catchers here. So much has been going on lately and I just it seems like I have no more pages in my diary. So much to update you on especially with all these little side notes but I guess I will keep it to myself until I glue so more pages back in my diary.

Things just don’t see right anymore. When you get too used to something it is hard when it is removed from you. I wish it was so easy to put aside my emotions aside- but it seems like that would never be.

But like I said I will be leaving in the morning- so see you sooner than later.

Untitled III

Relationships could be a strange as the weather

So much meaning in simple lyrics

Like a star-by:Corrine Bailey Rae

Just like a star across my sky

Just like an angel off the page

You have appeared to my life

Feel like I'll never be the same

Just like a song in my heart

Just like oil on my hands

Oh, I do love you

Still I wonder why it is

I don't argue like this

With anyone but you

We do it all the time

Blowing out my mind

You've got this look I can't describe

You make me feel like I'm alive

When everything else is a fade

Without a doubt you're on my side

Heaven has been away too long

Can't find the words to write this song

Oh, your love

Still I wonder why it is

I don't argue like this

With anyone but you

We do it all the time

Blowing out my mind

I have come to understand

The way it is, it's not a secret anymore

'Cause we've been through that before

From tonight I know that you're the only one

I've been confused and in the dark, now I understand

I wonder why it is

I don't argue like this

With anyone but you

I wonder why it is

I won't let my guard down

For anyone but you

We do it all the time

Blowing out my mind

Just like a star across my sky

Just like an angel off the page

You have appeared to my life

Feel like I'll never be the same

Just like a song in my heart

Just like oil on my hands

Excerpt

I can't even find the perfect brush,
So I can paint
whats going through my mind,
Racing against myself,
but
I'm a couple steps behind.
-Drake

I know more than you think.

Reminded what the struggle was for when I see my parents and I hear them speak in dialect. The struggle of leaving their parents and families behind to come to America to better themselves. The experiences that they went through, my roots, my culture, and my love for it.

The green representing the land and abundance of its natural wealth. The white representing peace and unity.

By birth I am an American child; but by blood I am a Nigerian child. I do admit I might not know everything about Nigeria but my mind is still growing with facts and history about it. Though I don't know how to speak the language fluently I do comprehend it. Though I only been there a few times, I went to many places that others have never been.

Some believe that Nigerian children born in American will tend to lose their culture and history; but I believe that once these things and instilled in the child then that would not be the case.

Some refuse to call me Nigerian because of my American name and because of my lack of ability to speak the language fluently but I pay them no mind; they don't know me and they don't know what I know.

I do know that Nigeria is my motherland, Nigeria is my fatherland

Nigeria is the beauty and pride of Africa

Nigeria is the land of oil, cocoa, gold and silver

Nigeria is the land of rain, sunshine, rivers and mountains

Nigeria is the land of beautiful cultures and traditions.

My father from Delta state and and speaks both Abu and Yoruba

My mother from Abekuta and speaks Yoruba

It gives me the chance to learn double the history and culture about Nigeria.

When I see my flag I don't need you to remind me about my history or my culture, or the way both my mother and father struggled to get where they are because I already know. I am reminded everyday by their presence, their actions, their dialect, their love for their country and most of all their love for my brothers and I.

The beauty of words

The order in which we put words together to make sense amazes me.
The arrangement of each letter with different pronunciations is astounding.
The collection of each letter in the alphabet being able to
make a word- to make a sentence-to make a paragraph- to make an essay –to write a book is truly astounding. The ability to speak these words and put them into writing is beautiful.
A way of common communication and understanding,
the ability to transform feelings and thoughts into writing,
the ability to allow others to know things without saying a word,
the ability to express yourself with not just ordinary words but words of emotions-turns into art.
Words help us say things that we can’t not say verbally.
They help us to elucidate how we are feeling emotionally.
Words help us to understand ourselves more and helps others to understand us.
The value of each word put together to form a sentence shows us the true beauty within us the art that we are able to paint with the words in our minds.

I never actually liked writing because I felt as if I had nothing to write about, but then I realized that the things that your write that come from your heart could never truly be judged because it is your own piece of art; it is what you are feeling and how you view things. Now I just find myself writing just to write; I am relentlessly thinking of things to write.

Untitled II

Corrine Bailey Rae playing off of the iTunes
While looking out my room window at the Bayonne Bridge
Another endless night of many things racing through my head
A night like this calls for the words and ideas in my head to be spit out
And put into a blog for all of my eye catchers.
I begin to think about what I would like to share today and nothing really comes to mind
So I will do some free writing

This is my third week being home from school and here is an update
I roamed the streets of Manhattan for a week straight as the sun followed me
I visited Brooklyn numerous times as the stars looked down at me,
I sat in the park on 47^th and 2^nd ave during lunch time and watched the
Corporate workers and co-workers with their business attire on
And talk about important stuff.
I went to my mother’s job and listened to her co-workers
Talk about how much I’m growing up and ask me
Trillions of questions about school.
I went on the Staten Island Ferry seeing faces that I know
Many of them with younger faces calling them mommy or daddy.
I have been away for two years and I see such a big change.
I walked past my old high school shaking my head at
All of the foolishness that I saw going on.
I went to the mall shopping and saw people I went to
Junior high and high school with shopping for their kids.
Times like this make me happy that I actually went away for school
I don’t think I would be able to deal with this on a day to day basis.
Just another endless night that allows to
me to think about all of this.
I went shopping with RH and saw an alien
I went to a BBQ on Memorial Day and Bertha “got crazy” with the food.
Edmund and Byron came out to Staten Island
Okay I’m ready to go back to school.

---Being out here I have a lack of inspiration to write.

Choux pastry heart by Corrine Bailey Rae

I was just waiting for your phone call
When they came along to say
That a rose done chased you clear away

You had said I was gamine
But we didn't mean the same thing i think
Broke my choux pastry heart
Guess life's, no picture post card

One for sorrow
Two for joy

Sometimes you win or sometimes you lose
I don't wanna lose you Don't even own you
I just wanna stay right here
Until never dawns yeah


I was just waiting for your answer--Still
You made your own apologies
I cried so much I had to leave

Three for a girl
Four for a boy

Sometimes you win or sometimes you lose
I don't wanna lose you
Don't even own you
I just wanna stay right here
Until never dawns yeah

The Lexicon of 218 and beyond!

Words that don't exist but should!

1. Wreckless-The act of getting crazy to maximum. {Many people try to get wreckless in Plattsburgh.
2. Wrecklessness-The act of commiting wreckless things; can also be identified as a group of people who consist of Edmund, Nef and Tyre. {No sentence}
3. Wrecknolopoly-A person who takes over the act of being wreckless. { Byron might be the wrecknolopoly of the group.}
   
4. Creep-The act of doing something thing that is strange such as watching someone. { Byron is sometimes a creep.}
5. Creeping-The act of leaving your room/ building afterhours. { Hmm I see “so and so” creeping to ___}
6. Screeping-The act of watching someone creep { I walked into the room and saw RH screeping.}
7. Preeping-The act of planning out how you would go creeping. {Nef is always preeping.}
   

Bittersweet Moment

Maybe I am making this harder than it needs to be but; this is the part that I hate the most. The separation of Spring and Fall. That time of the year has come again when we are done with classes and it’s time to return home. As much as I truly miss home I sometimes don’t want to go back because this place has sort of become my home for the past two years. It seems like it gets harder each year because of the friendships that we create out here. I’m definitely going to miss: My roommates, the black man, the creep, my half-Nigerian, and last but not least my spring time. It’s been real and you all have grown to have a little piece of my heart that I do like to share. This is a true bittersweet moment- but I will see you all sooner than later.

...

A Simple Habit.

Borrowed but Dedicated

Uh ooh ooh uh ooh ooh uh ooh oooh

Uh ooh ooh uh ooh ooh uh ooh oooh
Uh ooh ooh uh ooh ooh uh ooh oooh

Hands down I'm too proud, for love
But with eyes shut
It's you I'm thinking of
But how we move from A to B it can't be up to me Cause you don't know
who i was before you
basically to see a change in me
i'd be losing, so i just ignore you, yeah
oh oho
but your on my mind, my mind, my mind, my mind, my mind
oh oho
but maybe in time, in time, in time
i'll tell you

chorus
A little bit, a little bit
a little bit in love with you
I guess that I'm a little bit, a little bit, a little bit in love with you
oh oho

i know you don't break their hearts
but it's you i wanna take apart
and i will never ever be the first, to say it
but still i they know i ah ah ah

I would do it Push a button Pull a trigger Climb a mountain Jump off a cliff Cause you know baby I love you love you A little bit

I would do it
You'd say it
You'd mean it
I would let you do it
It was you and I and I only
Ha hm

I think I'm a little bit
Little bit
A little bit in love with you
But only if you're a little bit
Little bit
Little bit
In lalalala love with me

Drake
i hope they never find out
what they already know, know, know
as soon as its official
we'll have to let it go, go, go
so we don't confirm the fling
keep avoiding all the questions
you can teach me many things i'm just scared to learn a lesson

the pressures on
both hearts beat like a metronon
both n'sync like a justin song
feels so right but it's just soo wrong
i wonder where my world 'bout
where niggas said i know, tryna talk my girl out
and her friends say i ain't the one to go for
she just get jealous cause you always get approached more
oh well tell her fall back caught up in some more shit tell her call back
tell her get a man that ain't cheating on her ass
wit a girl that i know yeah tell her all that, that
and as for you i think i know your the one the closest i've come I'm probably...

A little bit
A little bit
A little bit in love with you
I guess that I'm a little bit
A little bit
A little bit
A little bit in love with you
oh oho
lalalala love with me
oh oho, oh oho

Untitled.

Words that will never be spoken will always be written.

Dear Spring,

I was so delighted that you came back, but something just wasn’t right. The wind didn’t blow the same, the sun didn’t shine on the same direction, but I took it for what it was. Your change of weather fooled me day after day to the point I didn’t know what to wear each day. I thought that you would always be the same to me since we met, but I guess you there was some bitterness from the freezing winter inside of you. I never thought that there would be a day that I would feel so much disappointment towards you, you were suppose to be different from the other seasons but I guess you got mixed in. I thought that it was summer and winter that I despised. But most of all the winter because it killed the things that we grew- leaving us with no color or beauty in the leaves, flowers, and trees; leaving me utterly confused, and puzzled by the things that would be going on until you made your return. I despised fall too because it showed me how much everything would die off leading us into the bitter winter. You were the only season that I could look forward to. The sun kissing my face while the wind blew on my neck. But now things have changed- I am resenting the spring and I am waiting for summer and I am more eager than ever because I know that it would have something better to offer me. It was good while it lasted but it is time to move on.

Signed by: The summer lover

"they say people in your life are seasons and anything that happen in your life is for a reason"-Kanye West

This is all so crazy

The lack of inspiration that I am beginning to feel;

Being drained more emotionally than mentally and physically.

The fact that I don’t even have the energy to care anymore.

I have become halfhearted to many people around me.

Wanting to leave this place but not wanting to return home to see the faces I left behind.

Not wanting to deal with anyone’s problems because I have my own that I don’t even want to deal with.

Allowing tears to occasionally make my eyes so watery that I am unable to see correctly.

THIS IS ALL SO CRAZY

Feeling as if I am losing myself in everything I do.

Trying to make sense of most of the things that happen around me.

Wondering why I care about certain situations

Blogging at 4:08am

Leaving my teen years confused and frustrated

Being so frustrated with everything and almost everyone

Having a phone that can’t stay on for 10 mins

THIS IS ALL SO CRAZY

The fact that I don’t even know what is going on in my own head.

THIS IS ALL SO CRAZY

Moments cherished

I wouldn't trade these moments for anything<3

Eliminate the problem

It eventually became a routine; at first it was a little weird and I was kind of reluctant and wanted to change my mind. How could things have gotten this bad that we can’t even be on speaking terms? Now it is like second nature I look past you, sad to say but you don’t existent to me. I don’t hate you or anything because that isn’t my style but I truly see you for who you are; and it seems like you’re out to get me for whatever reason. One rumor turned into the next, with the words that came out of your mouth. Why lie to the public and make it seem as if this was something that it clearly wasn’t. If I hurt you I truly do apologize but I told you everything from the beginning- that I wanted to be nothing more than friends. I don’t know if you thought that you could change my mind or actually thought that there was something more than it was, but all your lies or “misunderstandings” turned into rumors—allowing these gossip fiends to draw up one story after another. Not to say that I care what they think about me but I rather not be the hot topic in the lives of these individuals. For a while I blamed others for believing everything they heard but honestly if I was in their shoes I would begin to believe some of the things that I was hearing as well. So I found a way to eliminate the problem which is by eliminating any words or gestures towards you.

Analysis on W.E.B. Du Bois' Souls of Black Folk

The opening chapter of W.E.B. Du Bois essay is “Of our spiritual striving” he starts off by telling the reader that many white Americans tend to ask Black Americans question indirectly. They would beat around the bush instead of asking the question that they really want to ask which is “What does it feel like to be a problem?” Throughout the remainder of his essays on black people he answers this question in the view that white Americans see Black Americans. The Souls of Black folk is a well written piece that had a major impact on me as an African American. Throughout Du bois’ piece he speaks about the concept of the veil. He brings up this term many times. He mentions in chapter one the veil separates him from the opportunity for mainstream society being the white people of the world. I believe that this veil also shows the ignorance of white Americans towards the problems that African Americans go through. This veil doesn’t allow African Americans to become who and what they want to be in the American society. He speaks on about how this world makes the negro to believe that they are unequal to the white people because they only could see themselves the way that white America wants them to; which is that they are better than the negro. Page 38 he explains this exactly by saying “Born with a veil... A world which yields him no true self-consciousness, but only lets himself through the revelation of the other world.” Another concept that is displayed throughout Du Bois is the concept of Double-Consciousness. He explains this concept on pages 38 and 39. In his eyes he sees double-conscious as viewing yourself in the eyes of others; it is also the struggle to be yourself. Page 38 he gives up his view of double consciousness by saying “This double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of other, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity.” Then he moves on to page 39 and says “He simply wished to make it possible for a man to be both a Negro and and American, without being cursed and spit upon by his fellows, without having the doors of Opportunity closed roughly in his face.” From what I understood from both of these quotes by Du Bois he was trying to explain to us is that African Americans have two personalities to who they really are. He breaks it down to say that at times African Americans could be hard working and fight until they can get to where they know that they should be but then there are also times that they give up and feel that they could never reach the place where white Americans are which is enjoying life. The double-consciousness was so that Black Americans can allow themselves to see what is behind the veil. He is saying that African Americans should have the sense of double-consciousness and view themselves the way that others see them as well as the way that they see themselves. Education is the most important theme in the book. W.E.B. Du Bois is a well educated man who received an education. Throughout his book he shows just how educated he is. He tells us that Black Americans can also get the same education that he did and make something of themselves in life. He explains that education would “provide a common ground” between black and whites. The theme of education more importantly African-American education is mentioned many times. On page 92 he states “The Negro colleges, hurriedly founded, were inadequately equipped, illogically distributed, and of varying efficiently and grade; the normal and high schools were doing little more than common-school work, and the common schools were training but a third of the children who ought to be in them, and training these too often poorly.” Du bios continues to speak on the importance of education. In the book he uses a lot of philosophy and he even talks about religion and Greek mythology. The way that he wrote this piece not only shows how educated he is and how education can take you far in life it also shows that blacks are capable of being on the same levels as whites. In chapter 3 titles Of Mr. Booker T Washington, Du Bois introduces Mr. Washington as well as some of his ideas. Du bios later began to criticize Washington and speak about why his tactics do not work for the African-Americas. Washington believes that African American should go to school and receive a practical and vocational education in fields such as carpentry, brick making and agriculture. While Du Bios believed that African-Americans should receive a liberal education because he believed if they received a general knowledge of things. Liberal arts consist of philosophy, arts, literature, math, and sciences. Du Bois makes the argument again Washington that not every African-American will be interesting in doing hard labor they would only be in it for the money. He also believes that the emphasis on money would stunt the race. Du Bois mentions the triple paradox of Washington’s career the first is that he is “striving nobly to make Negro artisans business men and property-owner; but it is utterly impossible, under modern competitive methods, for workingmen and property-owners to defend their rights and exist without the right to suffrage”. The second is “he insists on thrift and self-respect, but at the same time counsels a silent submission to civic inferiority such as bound to sap the manhood of any race in the long run.” Lastly he states “He advocated for common-school and industrial training, and depreciates institutions of higher learning; but neither the Negro common-schools, nor Tuskegee itself, could remain open a day were it not for teachers trained in Negro colleges, or trained by their graduates.” Du Bois admits that he doesn’t believe in thoughts about the advancement of Black Americans. Du Bois brought up the idea of the “Talented Tenth”, because he didn’t believe that every black American could receive a traditional education only the talented tenth would be able to. After they received this traditional education the believed that they should go out and spread their education and culture with the African-American population. Just as W. E.B. Du Bois said in the end of chapter 2 “Three centuries’ thought had been the raising and unveiling of the bowed human heart. And now behold a century new for the duty and the deed. The problem of the Twentieth Century is the problem if the color-line.” I believe that the problem of the Twenty-first Century is the color-line. I believe this because in this day and age maybe blacks as well as whites don’t want to speak on the issue of race. For whites is because they don’t quite understand the struggles or things that the blacks go through and for blacks most of them are still angry about things that happened in the past and rather not speak about it to another white person because they feel that they don’t understand. Reality is that many blacks don’t even understand their history, struggles and accomplishments. On page 120 he speaks about marriage in the black community and the social problems that blacks are going through. To summarize what he says he is saying that black men are taking longer to marry black woman men would either get married in their 20’s and females in their 30’s. He mentions that this isn’t good for the society because it leading to more sexual immorality. “The form of this immorality however, is very seldom that of prostitution and less frequently that illegitimacy than one would imagine,” says Du Bois. With fewer marriages but more children at a young age this makes things much more difficult to get an education, and it makes it seem like the black community is uneducated. The another things that separates us from the whites, not to say that all of them who have children are married but it is not as many that are in the African-American population.There are so many things that Blacks and Whites rather not talk about together that is separates them from one another. Race is issue that many prefer not to speak about because it is personal and emotional for many.

It would be, it would be

It would be so simple

What it is ain't what it was

What should it be when it comes to you and...

How it seems ain't how it is

There's been a change when it comes to me and....

-Alicia Keys "So Simple"

And I could finally breathe.

Trying to clear some mental space--

so I confessed it all.

I was finally able to build up the courage

to say more than just a few words

of what was going on

in my mind.

And now I could finally

breathe.

A poem of friendship-Nikki Giovani

We are not lovers
because of the love
we make
but the love
we have

We are not friends
because of the laughs
we spend
but the tears
we save


I don't want to be near you
for the thoughts we share
but the words we never have
to speak


I will never miss you
because of what we do
but what we are
together

_Untitled_

What fashion is this that I continue to write in? I turn the music on and connect my pen to my paper or my fingers to this keyboard- and it just flows. The sweet tender lyrics on top of the melody allow me just go off into a place that I never saw myself going before. This is the only time that I have to speak my mind and say what is on my heart; without being judged about the things that pour out. To know me is to love me for what I stand for, and what exactly is it that I stand for? For a long time I used to bury everything that I saw behind these eyes but now I am telling all. I will speak my mine and let this pen flow in whatever fashion it decides to, let my fingers hit the keyboard in whatever pattern they want. Everything that I write isn’t golden, sometimes I make mistakes and grammatical errors but I’m okay with that because I’m not perfect. Sometimes when the music is playing and I’m writing about something that pertains to my life tears fall, and before I post it I think twice “Am I really ready for people to know what I’m feeling?” This fashion that I blog in is different and I like that, because we are not the same, and we go through different phases in our lives and feel different ways about different things. How could I let any situation get the best of me, when I know that I continue to give the best of me? My style of writing-hmm... I do admit that I have bipolar thoughts, but that is a part of me, one minute I could feel one way about something and the next I could feel the total opposite. I get so caught up every day trying to keep it all together. At times I feel as if I’m at odds with the world; when it doesn’t understand me and I don’t understand it; but It’s okay because times like this I blog so that I remember who I am and what I feel.