Eliminate the problem

It eventually became a routine; at first it was a little weird and I was kind of reluctant and wanted to change my mind. How could things have gotten this bad that we can’t even be on speaking terms? Now it is like second nature I look past you, sad to say but you don’t existent to me. I don’t hate you or anything because that isn’t my style but I truly see you for who you are; and it seems like you’re out to get me for whatever reason. One rumor turned into the next, with the words that came out of your mouth. Why lie to the public and make it seem as if this was something that it clearly wasn’t. If I hurt you I truly do apologize but I told you everything from the beginning- that I wanted to be nothing more than friends. I don’t know if you thought that you could change my mind or actually thought that there was something more than it was, but all your lies or “misunderstandings” turned into rumors—allowing these gossip fiends to draw up one story after another. Not to say that I care what they think about me but I rather not be the hot topic in the lives of these individuals. For a while I blamed others for believing everything they heard but honestly if I was in their shoes I would begin to believe some of the things that I was hearing as well. So I found a way to eliminate the problem which is by eliminating any words or gestures towards you.

Analysis on W.E.B. Du Bois' Souls of Black Folk

The opening chapter of W.E.B. Du Bois essay is “Of our spiritual striving” he starts off by telling the reader that many white Americans tend to ask Black Americans question indirectly. They would beat around the bush instead of asking the question that they really want to ask which is “What does it feel like to be a problem?” Throughout the remainder of his essays on black people he answers this question in the view that white Americans see Black Americans. The Souls of Black folk is a well written piece that had a major impact on me as an African American. Throughout Du bois’ piece he speaks about the concept of the veil. He brings up this term many times. He mentions in chapter one the veil separates him from the opportunity for mainstream society being the white people of the world. I believe that this veil also shows the ignorance of white Americans towards the problems that African Americans go through. This veil doesn’t allow African Americans to become who and what they want to be in the American society. He speaks on about how this world makes the negro to believe that they are unequal to the white people because they only could see themselves the way that white America wants them to; which is that they are better than the negro. Page 38 he explains this exactly by saying “Born with a veil... A world which yields him no true self-consciousness, but only lets himself through the revelation of the other world.” Another concept that is displayed throughout Du Bois is the concept of Double-Consciousness. He explains this concept on pages 38 and 39. In his eyes he sees double-conscious as viewing yourself in the eyes of others; it is also the struggle to be yourself. Page 38 he gives up his view of double consciousness by saying “This double-consciousness, this sense of always looking at one’s self through the eyes of other, of measuring one’s soul by the tape of a world that looks on in amused contempt and pity.” Then he moves on to page 39 and says “He simply wished to make it possible for a man to be both a Negro and and American, without being cursed and spit upon by his fellows, without having the doors of Opportunity closed roughly in his face.” From what I understood from both of these quotes by Du Bois he was trying to explain to us is that African Americans have two personalities to who they really are. He breaks it down to say that at times African Americans could be hard working and fight until they can get to where they know that they should be but then there are also times that they give up and feel that they could never reach the place where white Americans are which is enjoying life. The double-consciousness was so that Black Americans can allow themselves to see what is behind the veil. He is saying that African Americans should have the sense of double-consciousness and view themselves the way that others see them as well as the way that they see themselves. Education is the most important theme in the book. W.E.B. Du Bois is a well educated man who received an education. Throughout his book he shows just how educated he is. He tells us that Black Americans can also get the same education that he did and make something of themselves in life. He explains that education would “provide a common ground” between black and whites. The theme of education more importantly African-American education is mentioned many times. On page 92 he states “The Negro colleges, hurriedly founded, were inadequately equipped, illogically distributed, and of varying efficiently and grade; the normal and high schools were doing little more than common-school work, and the common schools were training but a third of the children who ought to be in them, and training these too often poorly.” Du bios continues to speak on the importance of education. In the book he uses a lot of philosophy and he even talks about religion and Greek mythology. The way that he wrote this piece not only shows how educated he is and how education can take you far in life it also shows that blacks are capable of being on the same levels as whites. In chapter 3 titles Of Mr. Booker T Washington, Du Bois introduces Mr. Washington as well as some of his ideas. Du bios later began to criticize Washington and speak about why his tactics do not work for the African-Americas. Washington believes that African American should go to school and receive a practical and vocational education in fields such as carpentry, brick making and agriculture. While Du Bios believed that African-Americans should receive a liberal education because he believed if they received a general knowledge of things. Liberal arts consist of philosophy, arts, literature, math, and sciences. Du Bois makes the argument again Washington that not every African-American will be interesting in doing hard labor they would only be in it for the money. He also believes that the emphasis on money would stunt the race. Du Bois mentions the triple paradox of Washington’s career the first is that he is “striving nobly to make Negro artisans business men and property-owner; but it is utterly impossible, under modern competitive methods, for workingmen and property-owners to defend their rights and exist without the right to suffrage”. The second is “he insists on thrift and self-respect, but at the same time counsels a silent submission to civic inferiority such as bound to sap the manhood of any race in the long run.” Lastly he states “He advocated for common-school and industrial training, and depreciates institutions of higher learning; but neither the Negro common-schools, nor Tuskegee itself, could remain open a day were it not for teachers trained in Negro colleges, or trained by their graduates.” Du Bois admits that he doesn’t believe in thoughts about the advancement of Black Americans. Du Bois brought up the idea of the “Talented Tenth”, because he didn’t believe that every black American could receive a traditional education only the talented tenth would be able to. After they received this traditional education the believed that they should go out and spread their education and culture with the African-American population. Just as W. E.B. Du Bois said in the end of chapter 2 “Three centuries’ thought had been the raising and unveiling of the bowed human heart. And now behold a century new for the duty and the deed. The problem of the Twentieth Century is the problem if the color-line.” I believe that the problem of the Twenty-first Century is the color-line. I believe this because in this day and age maybe blacks as well as whites don’t want to speak on the issue of race. For whites is because they don’t quite understand the struggles or things that the blacks go through and for blacks most of them are still angry about things that happened in the past and rather not speak about it to another white person because they feel that they don’t understand. Reality is that many blacks don’t even understand their history, struggles and accomplishments. On page 120 he speaks about marriage in the black community and the social problems that blacks are going through. To summarize what he says he is saying that black men are taking longer to marry black woman men would either get married in their 20’s and females in their 30’s. He mentions that this isn’t good for the society because it leading to more sexual immorality. “The form of this immorality however, is very seldom that of prostitution and less frequently that illegitimacy than one would imagine,” says Du Bois. With fewer marriages but more children at a young age this makes things much more difficult to get an education, and it makes it seem like the black community is uneducated. The another things that separates us from the whites, not to say that all of them who have children are married but it is not as many that are in the African-American population.There are so many things that Blacks and Whites rather not talk about together that is separates them from one another. Race is issue that many prefer not to speak about because it is personal and emotional for many.

It would be, it would be

It would be so simple

What it is ain't what it was

What should it be when it comes to you and...

How it seems ain't how it is

There's been a change when it comes to me and....

-Alicia Keys "So Simple"

And I could finally breathe.

Trying to clear some mental space--

so I confessed it all.

I was finally able to build up the courage

to say more than just a few words

of what was going on

in my mind.

And now I could finally

breathe.

A poem of friendship-Nikki Giovani

We are not lovers
because of the love
we make
but the love
we have

We are not friends
because of the laughs
we spend
but the tears
we save


I don't want to be near you
for the thoughts we share
but the words we never have
to speak


I will never miss you
because of what we do
but what we are
together

_Untitled_

What fashion is this that I continue to write in? I turn the music on and connect my pen to my paper or my fingers to this keyboard- and it just flows. The sweet tender lyrics on top of the melody allow me just go off into a place that I never saw myself going before. This is the only time that I have to speak my mind and say what is on my heart; without being judged about the things that pour out. To know me is to love me for what I stand for, and what exactly is it that I stand for? For a long time I used to bury everything that I saw behind these eyes but now I am telling all. I will speak my mine and let this pen flow in whatever fashion it decides to, let my fingers hit the keyboard in whatever pattern they want. Everything that I write isn’t golden, sometimes I make mistakes and grammatical errors but I’m okay with that because I’m not perfect. Sometimes when the music is playing and I’m writing about something that pertains to my life tears fall, and before I post it I think twice “Am I really ready for people to know what I’m feeling?” This fashion that I blog in is different and I like that, because we are not the same, and we go through different phases in our lives and feel different ways about different things. How could I let any situation get the best of me, when I know that I continue to give the best of me? My style of writing-hmm... I do admit that I have bipolar thoughts, but that is a part of me, one minute I could feel one way about something and the next I could feel the total opposite. I get so caught up every day trying to keep it all together. At times I feel as if I’m at odds with the world; when it doesn’t understand me and I don’t understand it; but It’s okay because times like this I blog so that I remember who I am and what I feel.

The Truth or a Lie.

She is trying to stay focus, but her mind isn’t right.

You ask her what is wrong and she tells you nothing that everything is fine.
Lie.

She doesn’t know what she wants; she doesn’t even understand herself so she doesn’t expect you to understand her either.
Truth.

She tried to bury every kind of feeling that she had for you since day one and now the only person who she is hurting right now is herself.

There are two ways that we could go about this. THE TRUTH OR A LIE, but they would both make her cry.

Please don’t make her choose. She rather not say anything at all.

She is trying to stay focus, but her mind isn’t right.

She knows they say you have to take the good with the bad, the happy and the sad; buts she just wants the positives none of the negatives.

She tries to keep busy so that you won’t come to mind, but it doesn’t seem to work; because when nighttime comes you’re the only thing on her mind.

There are two ways that we could go about this. THE TRUTH OR A LIE, but they would both make her cry.

She feels like she has been here before with you.
Truth.

But now she is confused and doesn’t know what to do.
Truth.

She thought she understood this but she was wrong because she is feeling like this.

She will never let you get the best of her.
Lie.

You already got her.
Truth.

And she feels like she is too deep in.
Truth.

She is trying to stay focus, but her mind isn’t right.

There are two ways that we could go about this. THE TRUTH OR A LIE, but they would both make her cry.

She hates you.
Lie.
She hates you.
Lie.
She hates you.
Lie.
She loves you.
Truth.

She pushes you away so you won’t come to mind.
Truth.

Your always on her mind.
Truth.

She wants to tell you the truth, but she just can’t so she
LIES
LIES
LIES
LIES
LIES
until it eats her inside; She has something with her pride, that everything that she is feeling for you she has to hide.

There are two ways that we could go about this. THE TRUTH OR A LIE, but they would both make her cry.

The Dynamics

I shut out all of my thoughts, I hated my heart and mind because I knew that I was falling in love and I was powerless to stop myself. I feel like I’m in crazy competition with myself, and it’s a battle that I’m honestly tired of fighting. I knew that the moment that I allowed myself to feel it to its fullness everything I was feeling would be swept out of myself with fear and despair. So I held an attitude toward myself of iron and sternness, I kept my consciousness behind a wall. I knew that the moment that I allowed what I was feeling to fully enter my consciousness that I would no longer see myself in the same way. So I denied my feelings and acted tough. I’m in crazy competition with myself, and it’s a battle that I’m honestly tired of fighting.

So far gone.

She is slipping,
She is falling
She is tripping.
She is so far gone....

I hope she can make a return.

SHE LIES TO HERSELF SO MUCH THAT SHE IS BELIEVING EVERYTHING THAT COMES OUT HER MOUTH. WHAT SHE FAILS TO REALIZE IS THAT SHE IS FOOLING NO ONE;

but herself.

How can someone who knows the game so well be this so far gone? But there is nothing left to say; all the evidence and proof is right in front of her face, basically in her hands but she still chooses to disregard it all.

Dam, she is so far gone

Strategically thinking

She always knew how to map things out in a way for it to make sense. When she did, things were perfectly arranged. There was no room for mistakes. One plus One always had to add to two; nothing more, nothing less. She was always on top of her game, her calculation skills were on point, until that day…. That day that changed her way of thinking forever. The calculations no longer added up, and the plans were falling apart. See, her strategy really didn’t have to do with mathematics, or anything like that. It was a strategy that she used for the outside world, a strategy not to fall in love – something that she wanted nothing to do with. So she dealt her cards and played the game. She just knew for sure that she would always come out on top, making a sucker every minute of the day. The fear of falling in love was always at the back of her mind, so she became a strategical thinker this way she would never fall and always come out standing. But she did it in a way that kept it from coming to her mind, because it would come in the form of a hard sharp feeling. She confused her emotions and made herself fell instinctively that it would be better to push every man away. But she kept this knowledge of her fear thrust firmly down in herself, hidden from her consciousness. She brushed men away because that was the best way to shield her from love. This was the way that she lived; she went day in and day out trying to gratify powerful impulses in the emotion that she feared. Females envied her because she made every male fall in love with her and left them heartbroken, until one day she felt that same burning sensation in her own heart- the pain so unbearable that she began to feel weak in her knees and somewhat nauseous. She didn’t really understand what was going on, just that her stratigical way of thinking was now broken down.