I shut out all of my thoughts, I hated my heart and mind because I knew that I was falling in love and I was powerless to stop myself. I feel like I’m in crazy competition with myself, and it’s a battle that I’m honestly tired of fighting. I knew that the moment that I allowed myself to feel it to its fullness everything I was feeling would be swept out of myself with fear and despair. So I held an attitude toward myself of iron and sternness, I kept my consciousness behind a wall. I knew that the moment that I allowed what I was feeling to fully enter my consciousness that I would no longer see myself in the same way. So I denied my feelings and acted tough. I’m in crazy competition with myself, and it’s a battle that I’m honestly tired of fighting.
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