Strategically thinking

She always knew how to map things out in a way for it to make sense. When she did, things were perfectly arranged. There was no room for mistakes. One plus One always had to add to two; nothing more, nothing less. She was always on top of her game, her calculation skills were on point, until that day…. That day that changed her way of thinking forever. The calculations no longer added up, and the plans were falling apart. See, her strategy really didn’t have to do with mathematics, or anything like that. It was a strategy that she used for the outside world, a strategy not to fall in love – something that she wanted nothing to do with. So she dealt her cards and played the game. She just knew for sure that she would always come out on top, making a sucker every minute of the day. The fear of falling in love was always at the back of her mind, so she became a strategical thinker this way she would never fall and always come out standing. But she did it in a way that kept it from coming to her mind, because it would come in the form of a hard sharp feeling. She confused her emotions and made herself fell instinctively that it would be better to push every man away. But she kept this knowledge of her fear thrust firmly down in herself, hidden from her consciousness. She brushed men away because that was the best way to shield her from love. This was the way that she lived; she went day in and day out trying to gratify powerful impulses in the emotion that she feared. Females envied her because she made every male fall in love with her and left them heartbroken, until one day she felt that same burning sensation in her own heart- the pain so unbearable that she began to feel weak in her knees and somewhat nauseous. She didn’t really understand what was going on, just that her stratigical way of thinking was now broken down.