Sunday, May 30, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Drowning*
And at the back of my mind I know that you are drowning me with your words. Hoping that I would soak in them and believe every phrase and sentence that comes out of your mouth. Wanting me to believe what you say with no questions to follow. When the questions start it so easy to see how much everything doesn’t really add up. Never really been the confrontational one with you so I try to let things slide though I know at the back of my mind everything isn’t what it seems to be. Wanting to hang on to your last word, hoping that you would come through every time you say something or end off with an “I promise” at the end. As of late I have been freeing myself, swimming away from your wave of words; hoping to make it back to shore with my sanity. First you had me overdosing, but I got back on my feet and now you have me drowning. As much as I want to be addicted to the words you feed me I know better and though it makes me feel good from time to time it’s the after affect that I don’t like.
Monday, May 17, 2010
The prefix
“Despite my empty mouth, the words are in my head”, I guess after the whole situation that still remains a mystery to me, I just have been resistant to speak on the way that I feel about things anymore. Part of me doesn't want to write because that would be giving you the upper hand as to how I feel about the whole ordeal, but I just need to get some things out. My heart was telling me to let go and just move on, to not care what it might be that it is being held from me but my mind knew better that I couldn't just let you get away with holding something from me the way you did. It was like a back and forth battle between my heart and my mind, there were sometimes that I felt as if I was being selfish pushing you to talk about something when you weren't ready to so that’s when I let it go I was also hoping that when you were really ready to talk you know that I would be there. It just kills me that it’s a double standard with you and this situation, because we all know if it was the other way around, you wouldn't be this understanding to let things go that easy- but that’s just the way that life is. “Despite our good intentions we keep hurting one another over and over again”, but I look past it each time because we have more good than bad in us. It’s so hard for me when we fall out of our cycle and to then either days or weeks later just jump back in like nothing ever happened. It really amazes me how I stick around to deal with all of this; I even call myself foolish something because it’s a mystery with you; never knowing what the outcome may be.
My favorite guys
Yooo Bros…. Even though 98.99% of the time I want to just suplex you 2/3 of the group the other 1.01% over comes my anger towards you guys. It doesn’t even surprise me how close I became with you guys this past year, and though I don’t say you have always had my back when I needed each of you.
BMW…. Dam I don’t want to be soft anything but I love you for real, always there when I need to talk and even when I don’t want to talk. You help throughout this semester more than anyone else and I will forever be grateful for that. Though I have to yell at you everyday to Calm the f down, and stop acting like a 5 year old you are always serious when I needed you to be.
Grandpa- I guess all I have to say is that you are a funny guy in your own little way and very mysterious at that. You are the more sensitive one out of the group and the less (w)reckless one I guess that’s where it gives the group some kind of balance.
Mr. One arm Willie….I don’t even know where to start with you. I never fought with someone so much in my life, but despite all of our arguments and I still look at you the same. This has been a crazy year but I wouldn’t change a thing, because it helped to open my eyes and handle things in a different way.
my ladies
We never needed a name to describe what we were to one another. Though you will be departing from my college life, I know that you will always be in my personal life. You all have made an impact in my life in one way or another and I am very thankful for having you in it. Though sometimes (well most of the time) I want to choke slam you girls; I guess you know I will always care about all of you.
Congratulations and Good Luck in the real world.
